Celebrating 5th Anniversary!

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SERIOUSLY!? Already!? It’s been another year and this blog is still plodding along ヽ(*´ー`*)ノ! Much love and thanks to everyone who has continued to follow this blog (and those have just recently joined me on my otome adventures, or who drop by occasionally).

I don’t have much to say this year other than that I have a job now!! I’m also in a better place mentally and personally now that I have more of an idea of what I want to do in life, and have projects going on, so financially and emotionally things are going pretty well (I hope saying this out loud doesn’t jinx everything LOL).

Now I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for this since it’s slowly becoming a tradition but, yes, I’ll be hosting another giveaway! This year there is not just ONE but THREE prizes! But this also means I’m going to devise a really hard challenge– kidding kidding. It’s not a hard challenge but I am changing things up a little from the usual number generator thing.

EDIT: The winners are:

  1. Hirarisa (you have a way with words and I was wheezing from laughing so hard at the lines “seduce them by harassing them with bad music” and “assaulting students and members of the public with the power of song”);
  2. Alicia Yumasaki (there were quite a few Diabolik Lover entries but YOUR DESCRIPTIONS OF THE GUYS. L O L. “like who showers naked anyways lmao”);
  3. Lope (this game sounds terrifying but these lines got a chuckle out of me “descend straight into crazy town” and “therapy your way to love”).

Honestly, this was hard for me to decide because I laughed at a lot of entries. It took me half the day to decide on 6 favorites and then another half day to come down to these three. THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING THOUGH!! I was smiling a lot when reading these entries and thank you for the well wishes to this blog as well <3. Here’s to hoping for another great year! I will be contacting the winners by email.

PRIZES

  1. First place gets ONE game from this Steam page (could be Dandelion, Nameless, OZMAFIA, Amnesia, Yoshiwara, etc etc.)
  2. Second place gets a $20 PlayStation Store Cash Card (I’ll buy it and then send you the code)
  3. Third place gets a drama CD translation (I’m open to doing anything)

RULES

  • Giveaway will start at 00:00 PDT 18 August 2016 and end at 23:59 PDT 25 August 2016.
  • The challenge is to describe your favorite otome game but make it sound as bad as possible.
  • Participants must comment below with their description but also write in the name of the actual game at the end of their comment. I’ll be editing the comments to hide the name of the game as bonus fun for others to try and guess the games that are being described :).
  • 3 winners will be selected and ranked by how much they make me laugh from “LKGDFAJKFGKJLMAO” to “LOL” and then “Haha” (TL;DR the 3 funniest ones will win).
  • I’ll edit in the winners and close comments for this post when the contest is over.

23 thoughts on “Celebrating 5th Anniversary!

    Alicia Yumasaki said:
    August 25, 2016 at 21:29

    Hey, Ili ! First and foremost, CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING A JOB AND YOUR BLOG’S 5th ANNIVERSARY! It’s been absolutely amazing seeing your blog grow from its second anniversary until now. It’s been three years, and I still can’t find any translations as thorough and descriptive as yours (not to mention the bits of humor that you include <3), so thank you for continuing to dedicate some of your free time to making your detailed posts. I hope you know how much we love and appreciate you ✧*。٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و✧*。

    Here's my (lame) entry:
    The title of this otome game should be changed to "The Six Sadists and the Anemic." The protag is told by her Catholic priest father to stay with an estranged relative, which turns out to be six lusty teenage vampire boys. No wonder he doesn't keep in touch

    The oldest is chronically lazy to the point of not taking off his clothes when he bathes. Like who showers naked anyways lmao

    The second oldest has second child syndrome. He basically babysits the other five and could probably lowkey pass off as Sebastian Michaelis 2.0; his addiction with his tea cup collection strongly reinforces this impression.

    Triplet 1 comes off as an arrogant pervert who frequently calls the protag flat-chested. All he really wants is just some good takoyaki tho tbh

    Triplet 2 is a fedora-wearing womanizer who constantly calls the protag bitch-chan. We can all really blame his problems on his mother though

    Triplet 3 looks like he's 10 but has major eyebags, most likely from staying up all night talking to his teddy bear that he treats as a real person. In fact, his route is probably a three way love triangle between him, the protag, and his teddy bear. Don't hand him a fork

    The youngest sibling is a tsundere who has watched too many yakuza movies
    Most likely to dispute the Subaru car company tagline "Love. It's what makes a Subaru a Subaru" by heavily blushing and saying "I-it's not like I did that because I love you or anything, idiot!"
    One of the more canon ships in the fandom is him x walls

    Name of this otome game? Diabolik Lovers: Haunted Dark Bridal

    suri said:
    August 25, 2016 at 17:00

    Congrats Ili!!! May the blog continue on for five more years and ten more and fifteen more!! 🤗🤗🤗

    I wrote something for the challenge really quickly in the train since it sounded so neat! Even if it doesn’t win I hope it makes you smile:

    The Crouching Assistant Hidden Heroine of this game is named Jaehee, who has to put up with 4 other quirky bachelors whose personalities are so out of control that they depend on a knockoff LINE app in order to communicate with each other. Not only does she have to keep them and herself in check, she also has to Compete with all the other characters for chance at character development. It’s a life of hard knocks when some characters can get that aforementioned chance just by being a selfie obsessed millennial or a cat lover in a clearly calculated marketing strategy targeting the crazy cat lady demographic. Society tells us we can be whatever we want if we work hard enough… Well, clearly that’s untrue because Jaehee embodies 過労死 without anything to show for it! Fighting Jaehee. May those Zen and a Jumin CGs in your route hook people into your route someday.

    ミア@LIGHTNING (@Cubsbane) said:
    August 25, 2016 at 15:29

    Good Christian girl gets stuck as the babysitter and psychotherapist of 6 misbehaving highschool hooligans with mother issues who want to steal her heart.

    Wait no that sounds too good, I’d still play it. Shit. Nevermind.

    hirarisa said:
    August 25, 2016 at 06:58

    Hello! Congratulations on your fifth anniversary and getting a job! I checked out your blog when considering whether or not to buy Hana Awase and I like the way you do your summaries XD
    Is it okay if I describe a game I think you haven’t played yet?

    You run around the school tracking down your favourite guy and seduce them by harassing them with bad music. You also bribe fairies into giving you clothes and presents by assaulting students and members of the public with the power of song. All the while you balance music practice and flirting because both take up precious time. At the end you miraculously win a music competition by playing pieces of lower technical difficulty and confess your love by playing a famous wedding song from the school rooftop.
    Kiniro no Corda

    xiutiful said:
    August 24, 2016 at 20:57

    Happy Anniversary!

    One shota with a serious attitude problem ends up being transported back in time to the Taisho era, where he subsequently meets a pink haired goody two shoes who has somehow been living in isolation her entire life (and nobody notices that she’s wearing some school uniform in the freaking Taisho era). They make a fire like a bunch of street hobos while the pink haired girl tells our shota smart-ass about how she’s supposed to meet with this magical people who will take her away and the shota kind of side eyes her like “what u high on hun”.

    They go out into this field and out descends this MASSIVE TRAVELING BALL that nobody else notices this MASSIVE TRAVELING BALL even though this ball is big enough to house its own ecosystems like wtf. Instead of ‘nope’-ing outta there shota joins the girl onto the ship where they get tentacled upon by plants from this lil’ blonde guy who constantly smiles and goes “Ahaha” and some gangster guy who secretly likes cooking and is scared of birds because when he was little a rooster tried to mate with him????

    Shota guy is like “da hek u doing hentais” and then the ship gets attacked by an Ono Daisuke god (who as much as I love this game, basically makes this game good). We meet this prissy oujasama who constantly has a shoe up her butt, a fluffy haired airheaded girl who walks around going “lolz what” which is an accurate representation of the plot in this game.

    basically some organization thought it would be a good idea to put these kids on a ship and let them decide the future of the world to see if they want to reset the world, because teenagers OBVIOUSLY aren’t inclined to do stupid things because of emotions and are the most responsible beings in our current working order. There is some shady looking guy around selling guns to people because his wife died and that organization says “no” even though the guy is just trolling around for lolz because it doesn’t matter anymore.

    Most routes consist of a heavy bit of romance with the plot being pushed off a cliff because hahaha plot what plot or hahahahahaha just ignore the plot holes that make this game like swiss cheese, while other routes are like PLOTPLOTPLOTEMOPLOTPLOTromance while you step back and ask yourself “much plot very confuse happen what?”.

    The cast includes a shut in who represents 95% of the people playing this game, an old guy who turns into this womanizing jerk who wants to get into everyone’s pants when he eats sugar, a kaji yuki who doesn’t scream but does have daddy problems so there’s that, a childhood friend who is prettier than anyone will ever be and just repeats “NO WE CANNOT LOVE”, a cheeky lil’ guy who likes screwing with peoples lives because thats fun, a (ONO DAISUKE) gun maniac who makes little chickens to talk to people, a tsuntsundere who doesn’t know how to tie his shoes, some weirdo who doesn’t remember anyones names and keeps his shirt unbuttoned like hes some host, that one cheery guy where its all fun and games until he whips out a SHOTGUN in his bad end, a robot who gets more ass than me, a do-m with a sick rat tail, and our shota smart-ass.

    oh and did i mention that the entire ship is serviced by a massive flock of little chicks that rip through your eardrums with their “PIIIPIIPIPPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPI” when all your trying to do is enjoy the sound of Sugiyama tell you to shut up and go away.

    Rate: 12/10

    wow that was long i’m really sorry that you had to read that

      xiutiful said:
      August 24, 2016 at 20:58

      omg i’m a dumbass and i forgot to include the name but it’s the ever lovely Norn9 ~Norn + Nornetto~

    amittesukku said:
    August 20, 2016 at 13:41

    Well, well, well, isn’t this one truly one of a kind. In this game you get to control a pretty,
    but not really smart protagonist (to think they say beauty and intelligence come together) who is pushed around like a doll.
    You get to choose from five different, but oh, how serious issues – unexpected pure love at its worst, greed trying to manipulate the object of your desires,
    intelligence too high to understand those of a typical IQ level, forgotten childhood friend issues and last, but not least – split personality mania.
    Remember: Going out in a storm with an umbrella won’t help.

    Oh, isn’t that just everyone’s beloved Amnesia? :’3

    LerieAria said:
    August 20, 2016 at 02:40

    Congrats on the 5th anni!

    Ugh here’s my try:
    A goodie two shoes somehow gets to be on the festival committee for a joint cultural festival (you know one of those things that shoujo manga includes when it needs an ex to show up) with 13-15 year olds, which is lead by a egomaniac middle schooler who has WAY too much money and the wasted voice of Junichi Suwabe. Egomaniac is doing this for revenge because he and his regal club, half filled with disappointments in the at least get my heart to do the dokidoki shuffle once department, lost at a fucking game where you hit a piss highlighter colored ball with a stick that has leftover fishing net attached to it. You get to seduce middle schoolers with the looks of highschoolers, making the pedophile denials easier, but first you gotta choose Ms. Mary Sue’s school of “Yum… no wait EW… no wait eh not bad men (oh wait I mean boys)” and look through her amazing wonderful selection of too short of a uniform skirts.

    Then you gotz to make your gurl stalk a dude from the selected local brothel for 10 days and 3 times a day. And though the power to love spore in the air or puberty induced hormones, the guys fall in questionable love with the girl who remains loyal until that ‘New Game’ button twerks in your face. In total there are 30+ men sry again boys and most get 2 times to spend with generic shoujo heroine outside of said festival. And most of them only have one outfit… their uniform all gunked up from yesterday’s workout over chasing after balls. The most interesting date is a guy who can pass for 13 year old girl way too much into the emo scene with his purple hair leaves the girl alone on their first date to go bungee jumping for hours until they have to leave the premises. There’s also a secret previously sick guy that declares his love for you under the romantic artificial light despite only having less than 20 lines of dialogue with Mary Sue and she wore down though the amazing power of pity. There are these things called time-padding pieces of… mini-games which forces heroine to do a 3xperformance for those tennis fetish males or a game of ‘fuck not the joker, you dead son’. In the end of the strip dance, you then question the sexuality of said male as he hands you a handcrafted to perfection doll of another boy. You accept it with the grace and twitching smile that screams ‘oh god please don’t swing your racquet that way’, but then you realize he’s got both fore and backhands.

    Each ending comes with a CG of each boy far too zoomed in to the screen and gives Batman a run for his money with their ‘loving’ stare. Meanwhile when the game get too romantic, it likes to point out your i.e. my pedophilia by saying “I’m just a normal middle schooler”. The portraits’ eyes hardly line up and the game is fully voiced with a layer of static on top. Each CG is cringe worthy as they give a death glare, lovingly stare, at the girl with demented eyes of a cracked up tourist guide from Disney.

    Finally, it’s a Konami game.

    Tennis no Oji-Sama: Motto Gakuensai no Ouji-Sama – More Sweet Edition

    Lehst said:
    August 19, 2016 at 11:27

    Come play as a noble nobody, our sturdy know-it-all heroine that worked her way up the ladder to serving some know-nothing Prince, on their way to marry the sucker off to the best candidate she can find. Good riddance; you have greater aspirations than following around the little momma’s boy. You meet a cast of very socially-awkward characters, from a distance of arms length or greater, during a stuffy party-gone-wrong, when the guest of honor gets herself kidnapped and your stupid Prince gets you into the dungeon. One way or another, the badass you are makes it out and snoops around, cuz you are a total player and know just what to say to further your own goals.

    All the while you spend way too much time looking at shit sprites with a mediocre interface. The goddamn backgrounds are more eye catching… if you weren’t busy reading the fucking addictive walls of text that invade the whole screen. These features all enhance the experience to see the world as the heroine does, since she isn’t interested in men to begin with, so they appear blurry and unmemorable. She’s way more occupied with her word-wall thoughts about how more awesome and skilled she is, than the useless brain-sludges with two feet that surround her. That’s why the rare CG’s look so good, cuz those are in third person. It’s all an artfully done effort by the creators to troll yo- I mean, immerse the player.

    You’ll ask yourself fun questions like “Is the one with baby blue hair a man or a potato sack?” At least his hair color is oddly suitable cuz while he pretends to be a muscle man, he’s totally a crybaby inside… who ironically is looking for his crybaby brother that was (very publicly) declared dead back when they were but (royal) snot-nosed brats. YET HE STILL FINDS HIM, except he’s not a brother any more, but a pink princess with pink hair and pink naivety. God only knows just what is under that dress… which the badass servant page Bitch McGee tries to look under to settle the question- until the dumbass heroes stop her out of some kind of power- play chivalry. Thanks guys. Now we’ll never fucking know.

    The player can experience many delightful endings including getting saddled with one of the guys, since they so desperately need you and they lure you in with cool jobs like becoming a government spy, or at least a nice house. Or you could get lucky and run away to pick apples with your new best friend, or better yet, laugh as someone else is stuck with holy matrimony as you make out with the stealth-lesbian. And best yet, you could even gain the highest position not-granted at birth, your dream job. All you have to do is become a broodmare for the infertile royal couple, but it’s okay cuz at least the guy you hop into in bed with has the smarts to realize marriage is not the road to happiness. It’s power. ;)

    .
    The Royal Trap

    HijackedCat said:
    August 19, 2016 at 08:18

    Congrats on keeping on going for 5 years! ۹(˒௰˓)۶
    May you make many more ヽ(^Д^)ノ

    This sounds like an hilarious contest, and I’m having fun reading the entries ⸍⚙̥ꇴ⚙̥⸌
    I’m not sure I’m witty enough to do anything fun, but I do wish good luck to everyone!

    Here’s my try:
    You volunteer for some crap theme park event, trying to save your dodgy uncle from a mad pig, and its piglet assistants. Surrounded by a bunch of incompetent grown men, you have to find the answers to puzzles because they’re too dumb to be able to figure it out themselves, even tho they’re adults and you’re a teenager. To throw salt at the wound, you’re the only that tells it how it is at the pig, exploding every time, and all the males think your PMS is seriously acting up and that you’re such a girl. In the end, you save their lame asses, and show them you’re way better than they’re at puzzle solving and mysteries.
    12/10, would shag them again tbh

    Sweet Fuse ~At Your Side~

    If this doesn’t turn it white, I leave it in your care (* >ω<)

    jellybean said:
    August 18, 2016 at 22:06

    tfw u become the most charming girl in school so u can start your harem but u end up attracting your pedo principal instead. FML
    TMGS1 lol

    Lope said:
    August 18, 2016 at 21:17

    Happy Anniversary!!

    You like to collect pretty dolls and hey you’re hobby pays off when they all turn into hotties. Plus side: hot guys who lowkey try to get in your pants and free food! Down side: watch as they descend straight into crazy town the moment you fuck up and pay with sudden death, sudden amnesia, and at least one instance of catatonia! Some people might get killed along the way but that’s okay. Therapy your way to love while dodging potent sleeping drugs and a crazy ~mysterious~ past! Kiddos, you’ll never want to abandon your dolls again! [Warning: Product contains CHOKEable parts not suited for sanity Normal and under. Side effects may include hysterical laughter, paranoia for any and every fictional hottie you encounter, a deep suspicion of all merry-go-rounds in existence and fear for those dolls you threw away and even more for those you kept. Sleep tight…especially if you drank the tea :) ]
    Nameless~The one thing you must recall~ jesus fuck this game scarred me forever and i love it 15/10 would be traumatized again

      Lope said:
      August 18, 2016 at 21:18

      oh shucks the font wasn’t white, I must have copied it wrongly :(

        Ilinox responded:
        August 18, 2016 at 21:39

        I’m starting to think that maybe I’m the only one who can turn things white because I have admin privileges or something @_@ but no worries I can always edit the game names into white! I’ve been avoiding reading the descriptions right now too so I can read them all a week later (after having forgotten which game was which).

    yaoidaisuki said:
    August 18, 2016 at 12:48

    Happy Anniversary!! :D

    Your dad wants you to marry and you say “no!” but even so he decides to hold a tournament and the winner gets to marry you. (wth!)
    The charas are all people from your “family”. They have tarot powers, including you, and you help your dad in the end, you almost die, but the guy you chose as your partner saves you.
    He fights, he loses, you win, but even so you have to marry him LOL
    This time you want though XD
    Arcana Famiglia

    Sena said:
    August 18, 2016 at 10:34

    Congrats on your 5th Blog Anniversary, Ili! I was waiting for this to see what you meant by doing something fun with your giveaway this year. This sounds hilarious and I can’t wait to read what people think of. I don’t know if I’ll participate myself (because unfortunately I’m not that funny or witty www), but if I think of anything, I’ll let you know~

      Ilinox responded:
      August 20, 2016 at 10:58

      Thank youuuuuu!! Times goes by so fast! Haha, it never hurts to give it a shot right? But yes, I’m looking forward to reading the comments in detail too and seeing what funny things people come up with.

    zodiva said:
    August 18, 2016 at 00:54

    Hi there! Congrats on the anniversary and the job, too! :) Here’s my attempt at a sypnosis, though I imagine it shouldn’t be too hard to guess…

    You get to pet cats and watch the world burn before your very eyes.

    Black Wolves Saga for most romantic game 2016.

      zodiva said:
      August 18, 2016 at 00:59

      ff, I got the same void HTML problem here. I’m sorry!

        Ilinox responded:
        August 18, 2016 at 06:19

        Oh man, that was weird! Sorry about that! I swear I tried it out before and it was working but I updated the post with new information and just edited your comment with the correct code so it’s hidden now :).

    AbsoluteMeowster said:
    August 18, 2016 at 00:40

    Four men play Russian Roulette reincarnation style (yay reincarnate for another chance at death!) for a prize of a big breasted girl, who’s probably hiding drugs or catnip or Sharpies, at least, with how everyone likes to sniff the shit outta her (her repertoire of admirers include pervy old twin guys and their pet butterflies and basically everyone in the game). Oh, and the losers of the game die. Painfully. Over. And over. Again. (because life is suffering)

    A game that sadistically enjoys teasing/tormenting its fanbase with allusions of sexy scenes but then cock-blocks the shit outta them, before bombarding its players with story that resembles a trippy ride through Willy Wonka’s rainbow tunnel from the movie, but instead of candy, it’s philosophical confusing symbolism. You will forever question the meaning of a butterfly, which will lead you down a path to questioning life (butterflies are good, wait bad, wait reincarnation wait what are butterflies anymore do they even fly I live in the Matrix).

    Players include masochists who enjoy watching their favorite characters suffer and die, along with masochists who enjoy having their head spin like a top from the ‘wtf is going on’ symbolism.

    Overall, a 10/10, would die again.

    The Hana Awase series

    (Lol jkjk, I really love the game~ And I don’t know if I can do a series, but if not, please disqualify me! I just realized how terribly unfunny I am T_T, so it wasn’t a good shot anyways.

    Meh, well good luck to everyone~ Congrats on 5 years, and here’s to many more! Wheee~)

      AbsoluteMeowster said:
      August 18, 2016 at 00:41

      Crap, I swear I copied the thing right. Nn, I probably messed up again, since the name of the game isn’t invisible. Sorry!

        Ilinox responded:
        August 18, 2016 at 06:19

        No no no, that was all on me Orz;;; I swear when I was making the post it was working with the HTML code like that… but then all of a sudden it decided to become fussy. This new code should work! I edited in your comment to make it white :).

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