Koga Yukinari (古河 幸成)
I Didn’t Ask You To Save Me
You were a temporary worker who spent her days as the mistress of the boss where you were assigned.
You could hear the slow steps of becoming 30. How long could this life continue?
Then, one night, your smartphone notified you of a call.
The call screen displayed a nostalgic name.
—Several months later, at the same time your contract expired, you took a week of vacation.
You returned to your home town for the first time in 10 years…
Thank you to Tai for the commission! R18 warning and dark themes, BDSM, mentions wrist cutting, erotic asphyxiation. You can grab this on DLsite.
Here we go!
*** TRACK 1: Beginning ***
Yukinari: *through phone* Ah… I didn’t think you would answer. Uh, no… um, hello. Do you… remember me? Or more like, did my name come up on the call screen? You didn’t remove my contact?
Y: Oh… you didn’t remove me. That being said, I was your ex-boyfriend, so you should have been able to tell it was me from my voice, right?
Y: Oh? I can’t call you unless I have business? Isn’t it alright if I wanted to hear your voice or I just felt like it?
Y: Haha, actually, I just wanted to try saying that. Hahaha! It’s been such a long time since I heard your voice. How many years has it been? After we broke up… hm, no… the last time was when we were students. Hey, remember your boyfriend and how he stood you up on a date because of work?
Y: Yeah, on your birthday to celebrate becoming twenty. You wanted to drink alcohol with him for the first time, right? But the other person had a wife and his talk about work was a lie.
Y: Haha, that was hilarious at the time. You cried so hard. I couldn’t get through to you at all. Then, you started drinking by yourself through the phone…
Y: Look, this sort of feeling. I… also had something happen, okay? Mm, then I remembered your face. I wondered what you were doing right now. I’m glad it doesn’t seem like you’ve changed. Anyway, well… I’ll leave it at this today.
Y: Huh? Why can’t I just suddenly hang up? I called you out of nowhere, so now I’m hanging up out of nowhere.
Y: Heh, yeah, I’m a man who does as he pleases. I’ve always been like that, right? I asked you to go out with me and you went out with me, and then I was the one who broke up saying I couldn’t do this any longer, right?
Y: I do feel sorry, but if we start talking about that then the conversation would get long, right? In truth, I want to talk about a lot of things.
Y: Haha, what, I’m being serious here. Those nostalgic times, happy times, and fun times are putting me in a really good mood, you know? Even if I say good night now and hang up I’m sure I won’t be able to sleep tonight. That’s why, so that we don’t have a phone call until the morning like we used to do, will you end the call?
Y: Well, I’m glad you’re healthy. You’re easy to understand.
Y: Aah, right, I forgot to ask. Do you have a boyfriend right now?
Y: No? Hmm…
Y: Are you being the mistress to a rich guy like usual? Heh, I see. Well, isn’t that nice?
Y: Huh? I don’t care. So long as you think it’s good, then isn’t it good? There’s no problems no matter what I say, right? We’re both adults. Ah, no, I guess age has nothing to do with this.
Y: You decide on things for yourself. That’s how it is, right?
Y: Ah, but if you’re going to come back here, then let me know. You’ll be here anyway, and I want to see your face at least once before you reach your thirties.
Y: Mm, thanks for today. Good night. Until next time. *ends call*
*** TRACK 2: Destination ***
Y: Ah, here, over here.
Y: Haha, you really came. Funny.
Y: Aah, sorry, sorry. Don’t get angry. I’m joking. That was a joke!
Y: Well, it’s not a lie either. I really did think, “Wow, you seriously came”, and I really do find it hilarious.
Y: No, no, no, isn’t that the case? I thought it was funny from the moment you said you’re going to return home on your long vacation. On top of that, when I asked if you wanted to go out on a date, you said you did instantly, right?
Y: Now, you really are here. In the morning too. It makes me want to ask if you’re a high school student or something.
Y: Well, I was the one who said I wanted to go on a high school-like date. Ugh, shit, I’m super excited. Hey, what about you? Frankly speaking, you’re looking forward to this a lot too, right?
Y: Heh, right? Hahaha. I knew I was right in asking you out. It’ll definitely be fun. Plus, it’s not just because of your appearance. For this entire day, I’ll make you enjoy yourself to the very end. Get ready.
Y: Now, why don’t we go? The reenactment of a high school date with two classmates before they hit their thirties.
Y: Haha, come on, let’s hold hands.
Y: What are you shy about? We’re not at that age anymore, right? Both of us. Come on. Enough already.
Y: Here. Squeeze it and don’t let go.
Y: Now then, let’s go. Heh, off we go.
Y: Our destination is the beachfront park.
Y: Hahaha! You look so disgusted by that. Back then you said the salty breeze made your hair stiff, right?
Y: Aah, am I wrong? What you remembered… was another time, right?
Y: Look, it’s that expression. I’m right, yeah? Well, there’s no way you would forget. You said you didn’t want to go to school and so we did a ridiculous amount of things, didn’t we?
Y: *leans in* What might have been the first in my life… was there too, right?
Y: Haha, well, we won’t do that today. It’ll be a normal and wholesome high school date. Like how we were when we just started dating. We’ll eat crepes, play on the beach…
Y: Eh? Just take off your shoes. You can wash your feet in the water. We’re high school students today.
Y: Well, high school students… can be quite sexual too.
Y: Ah, we don’t transfer there. Over here.
Y: Two or three years ago, there was a large scale repair. The station changed quite a bit too. We can transfer without going through the tunnel. It’s about time since we commuted back in high school. They’re ten years too late, haha.
Y: Aah… by the way… you look completely like an adult woman, don’t you think? Big sister.
Y: Haha, this isn’t a lie either. I’ve always been honest in front of you, right? Really, you look like a normal adult woman. It’s a type that’s not really around me.
Y: How about me? I changed, right?
Y: Haha, well, a lot of things happened.
Y: Or more like, the period I was dating you in and of itself was a pretty big event. A lot of things happened after that too though…
Y: Heh. Ah, you haven’t heard from our classmates?
Y: I had to wait for another chance after failing the yearly university examination and then entered a university in our home town. Haha, yeah, they said I was treating things pretty lightly… Weird, as for me, I was trying to treat it seriously though.
Y: Hm? Now? My job? Aah… I work in a lab. It sounds nice like I’m developing new drugs, but it’s just clinical trials that keeeeeeeep on going even if I die. Seriously, it won’t end even when we’re dead. Just about everything has been crossed out, I’m getting grumpy. It does give me money though. But I guess I have nowhere to use it.
Y: If I buy a good car, I don’t have the time to drive it. If I buy good alcohol, there’s no one to drink it with. Well, my plan is to quit at any time I find something more fun.
Y: It’s ridiculous to spend time on something boring, right? Life is limited, even so you are free though. You decide on where you want to spend your time, so at any rate I want to spend it on something more fun.
Y: Heh, like reaching this age and purposely going on a date with my first girlfriend.
Y: And you? Nothing’s changed even now? Only choosing things that give you painful memories… Have you cried a lot?
Y: No, I’m not going to stop. Isn’t it alright? Because I couldn’t talk about this back then. I’ve always wanted to know… about you. Like what you’re thinking, what you want to do, what you want done to you… I didn’t know anything but I just thought that I should treat you considerately, because you were my girlfriend.
Y: In the first place, the fact that you came back in a week in and of itself—… Huh? Of course I’d get serious about that. I didn’t age without learning anything. I’ve thought about a lot of things in my own way.
Y: Oh, you remember! That philosophy book that I liked. Heh, yeah, I still read it. “Man is a thinking reed…” It’s what supports me. Like a magic word or something though.
Y: Well… heh, back then, that’s why I couldn’t be together with you though. Now, I think this is why I can talk to you. Knowledge… just accumulating it doesn’t give you much strength.
Y: Having an objective and using it where applicable, I can finally demonstrate its results. The unknown is what is most frightening. Even just knowing this makes me feel at ease.
Y: Heh, well, there are cases where my heart is drawn precisely because it is unknown though.
Y: Ah, what, are you scared? Do you think I’ll leave again if you talk about yourself?
Y: Too bad, but that won’t ever happen. To me, you’ve always been special.
Y: In front of you, I’m always honest. I won’t lie. You can believe me, right?
Y: The rest… well, I’ve experienced a lot and became an adult. That being said, you can only trust me, I suppose.
Y: Heh, let’s talk when we get to the park. About many things… and while we eat crepes, alright? Come on, strawberry cheesecake deluxe… do you still like that?
*** TRACK 3: Call ***
Y: *through phone* Ah, you answered. Hello? Did you get home?
Y: Heh, I see. Good. You didn’t contact me, so I got a bit worried… and ended up calling you.
Y: That being said, I wanted to send you to your place… Huh? You didn’t want me to because it’s our home town? Hey, that was my intention, you know?
Y: First, I was going to create circumstantial evidence and then—Eh? You don’t have to be that against it, do you?
Y: Ugh… then, look, can I say it up front? I want to do things over again with you.
Y: No, that’s not it… I don’t want to do things over again. I want to start anew. We separated once during high school, experienced many things… so won’t you go out with me again, now that I’ve tasted the bitter and the sweet in this world?
Y: … What are you silent for? Say yes right away. You don’t have a reason to refuse, right?
Y: There’s no man apart from me who would give you the condition of not needing to stop being a mistress, you know? If you’d like, there’s no man apart from me either who is good enough to make you want to stop being a mistress, right?
Y: … What are you worried about? I knew the past you and am able to accept you as you are now. The part of you that you don’t want people to know about most. If need be, I’m saying I absolutely won’t leave you even knowing the dirtiest part of you.
Y: Uh… um, what, are you crying? Hey, is that… because of me?
Y: Hah… haha. I see! Hahaha! Haha, that makes me so happy. Ah, uh, sorry. I said I’m sorry. Then… while I apologize, I’m coming to pick you up. I’ll get my car. Ah, wait, I haven’t been to your place, huh.
Y: Hrm… oh well. I’ll call you again when I’m close. Just tell me the general location. Save your response to my confession until that time. Fix your makeup right now and you’ll wait for me in your cutest outfit, alright?
Y: Mm, I’m hanging up for now then. See you later. *ends call*
*** TRACK 4: Memories ***
Y: Oh, are you awake?
Y: Haha, that’s useless. Moving will just hurt, so be still.
Y: There aren’t any side effects, are there? Like your head hurting, your fingertips tingling, or crawling sensations?
Y: Heh, ah, that’s a nice look. Am I scary?
Y: Ah, it’s this situation rather than me?
Y: Let’s see… the coffee was delicious, right? I ground the beans personally and also put in a drug that would make you feel good.
Y: Mm? My workplace is strict. We’re forbidden from bringing our phones into the lab and we’re not allowed to use Wi-Fi. Basically, bringing things in and out are forbidden. But, well, there’s always ways to do something.
Y: So? How does it feel? Waking up to have both arms restrained to the bed. On top of that, your clothes are removed. You know what’s going to happen, right?
Y: Haha, what’s that look? Playing innocent? Hah, there’s no way you don’t know, right?
Y: I’m saying let’s do what you did to me one more time. You see, to me, that was a shock on a shock and an event I can never forget for the rest of my life.
Y: Since we’re here, why don’t we begin again the same way it started? It’ll be a memory.
Y: Heh, our beginning was that, right? How you tried to slash your wrist in our high school classroom and then forced me to cum inside you.
Y: Hey, why are you shutting your eyes?
Y: Look at my eyes properly.
Y: Tsk, guess I have no choice. Oh! You opened your eyes. Did that surprise you?
Y: Yeah, this is your smartphone.
Y: Eh? Your smartphone lock? The fingerprint identification? Hahaha! Are you seriously asking that? Hey, the person themself is sleeping right in front of me, aren’t they? This sort of thing is nothing, right?
Y: You should be careful. Lately, there’s been noise about this on the news, right? Being dosed with sleeping pills at a drinking party and while you’re consciousness is vague—that kind of thing. Hm? In addition, your login information is just left like that. Your SNS, shopping sites, and everything is left there.
Y: Haha, “Little Mochi”. This is your private account, right?
Y: Hey, what are you going to do if you lose this? After all, this is your only means of contact, right? Even if your credit card was misused, you wouldn’t be able to contact the credit card company to return it, right?
Y: Wow, it’s amazing you stayed safe up to now. Either you have an eye for choosing very good old men or… hm? No, maybe some of your information was leaked? Haha, well, whatever. Come on, smile.
Y: Ah, it’s blurry. There’s not enough light, but I guess smartphones are just like this. But, in its own way, there’s a sense of ambiance and it’s pretty nice.
Y: Hm? The photo right now and this smartphone? Yeah, I’m going to use it. Naturally. If you don’t want me to spread it around, then you’ll listen to me… or something like that, hahaha!
Y: The so-called sex film. That’s not my kink though. Because revenge porn is scary, isn’t it? A smartphone is essentially connected to the internet and yet storing your face there… nope, impossible.
Y: Plus, for this sort of thing, it’s enough to have the person concerned there. Looking back on it later would be boring, right? But if you’re using porn videos completely as side dishes… then that’s another story.
Y: Hm? Hah… hahaha!
Y: You really are the best. Your expression is showing unbearable happiness, isn’t it? It’s saying “Hurry up and fuck me” “I want you to hurry up and pound me”. Those eyes are the best. I haven’t recorded anything yet though? Did you go into heat from imagining yourself being recorded?
Y: Don’t tell me you also had this kink? Without my knowledge, you developed a new deviance. Aah… that’s a bit annoying. But, well, I guess that applies to both of us.
Y: Hm, in that case, how about I record you with a single lens next time? I have a pretty good one. I’ll use pancake lenses, you’ll wear erotic clothes, and there’ll be proper lighting in the background.
Y: Ah, but when I start recording then I might concentrate on filming. Even if you become drenched and move your hips, I feel like I’ll continue filming without a care. You’ll feel unbearable after being made to wait and juices will drip down your thighs…
Y: Oh, I’ll record that appearance too. Would you cum just from that?
Y: Heh… haha! Hey, are you listening to me? Well, you’re like this because you’re listening, I guess. That’s not the problem though.
Y: Hey, should I touch you down there? Either way, you’re wet already, right?
Y: Heh, look, I knew it. I’m just tracing your folds with my index finger, but there’s wet sounds. I’m not using any strength at all, but it feels like it’ll slip in on its own.
Y: Mm? Hahaha! It’s not enough? Right? How about I tap on your clit above its hood? You love it, don’t you? Being touched only in the places that feel good.
Y: Things like hugging, kissing, or having your breasts touched… those were all skipped, and you’re being touched in your dirtiest place at the very beginning, you know?
Y: Look, didn’t you often show me it? You wouldn’t be wearing panties and you’d roll up your skirt and spread open your pussy yourself. Then you’d tell me to eat you out and not to touch you with anything but my tongue.
Y: That… was such a turn on. It was so stimulating I couldn’t look you in the eyes. Haha, nostalgic, right? After remembering it, mgh, I’m turned on again.
Y: Ah, I know! Why don’t I cover everything except for your pussy? Hey, that way is more perverted and arousing, right?
Y: I’ll cover your legs with the blanket and as for everything about your stomach… I’ll use the towel kit. It’ll be a problem if you die, so I’ll let your face be out. Here, done.
Y: Haha, there’s tears in your eyes. You’re so happy, aren’t you?
Y: Huh? You’re embarrassed? Don’t lie at this point. What’s a person who spread open their own pussy to show others saying at this time? You did tons of things other than just filming yourself having sex, right?
Y: After we broke up, there’s no way you just had normal sex, right?
Y: *takes picture* Ah, this is super like that. A close-up shot of your pussy really fits a porn film, right? Now then… I wonder what it’s like inside?
Y: Aah… haha, did you remember it too? It’s amazing here.
Y: Ah, this sensation… it’s so nostalgic I’m going to cry. Aah, sorry, sorry. I said I’d touch your clit, but I ended up pushing my finger inside. But this also feels good, right? Or more like, you like this better, right?
Y: Restrained in a way where you can’t resist, exposing only your precious place, and being touched inside… You’re anticipating, “What do I do? I’m going to get raped by Yuki now”, aren’t you?
Y: That’s why this place is like this, right? You’re a real pervert. A giant slut. I love it.
Y: Aah… ugh, this is enough. I’m going to put myself in. That’s okay, right? Back then, it was extremely abrupt too. I even said no, you see, but you forced me…
Y: Haha! Shit, when I think about how I’m finally able to do things over again with you, my hands are shaking. At that time, I also shook, didn’t I? I was shaking from fear, but only my dick was hard and standing. Weird, right? It’s the same now.
Y: *removes pants* Well, I’m not scared now though.
Y: … I love you. It’s always only been you. *kisses*
Y: Haha, now, next is here… the kiss scene between a cock and pussy. Haha, I think I’ll just make the entrance a movie. Because it’s going to be a precious and important memory. *recording beep* Mmgh…!
Y: Hahaha! Aah, finally… finally… finally, I’ve gotten it back! Haha, hey, you’re a bit tight. Has it been a long time recently? I’m being squeezed to death in you. In particular, your entrance is super tight. It feels like it’ll tear if I’m rough.
Y: Aah, I knew choosing you was the right choice.
Y: Haha, what’s with those eyes? Do you want me to bully you? Do you want me to do horrible things to you?
Y: No, you see, I want to do the same thing as back then.
Y: I won’t do what you want. I’m doing whatever I want to do. Just like you back then, I’m going to use you for my own sake.
Y: So… ngh… so… I’m going to go slow… in a way that opens you up inside… hah…
Y: Come on… relax your body. You’re this tight… ngh… if you stiffen your body, it’ll hurt, right? So that you, ngh, properly remember my shape, I’m going to slowly… mgh, rub against you over and over again.
Y: Haha, ah, I’m going to remind you about me thoroughly from here on. Mrgh… hagh… *thrusting*
Y: Mmgh… haa… hah…!
Y: You’re really tight, nrgh… Somehow, it makes me feel like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be doing. Haha, in the first place, when I was with you, we only did things we weren’t supposed to do, didn’t we?
Y: Aah, so cute. It’s the look you make when you’re kept waiting. Haa… feels good, doesn’t it?
Y: Hahaha! You’re moving your own hips, haha. Sure. Go ahead and feel good like that. It’s the beginning, so I’ll end things in one round. If you cum, then this will be over, alright?
Y: Mm? Why did you stop moving?
Y: You want to feel good, don’t you? You can cum, you know?
Y: Haha, you’re the same as usual. Mm, I changed my mind. I’m going to move in a way that makes me feel good, so match me, alright? Here we go… ngh! Gngh! Mrgh!
Y: Haah… hagh…!
Y: I’m releasing… haa… come on, let’s do it together… mngh! *kisses; thrusting; he orgasms*
Y: Hah… haa…! Hahaha, ah, you came well. Good girl, good girl. *kisses*
*** TRACK 5: One Half of Androgynos ***
Y: Mgh, here, they’re undone. It didn’t hurt that much, right? The mark on your wrists is faint too and it’ll disappear soon.
Y: Mm? Why do you look apologetic? Haha, it’s out of character.
Y: I’m not really angry. I don’t have a grudge either.
Y: It was just the largest event in the 29 and some years of my life. You, that is.
Y: I think you know, but at that time I was a virgin. So I had an extremely beautiful and pure outlook towards love.
Y: Like, I thought sex was an act to confirm the love between two parties. I decided I definitely had to have my first time with the girl that I loved. Naturally, I thought it was something done between people who were dating. In fact, I thought that dating would be with the assumption of marriage at the end.
Y: Heh. Hey, you see, at some point in time, I couldn’t be satisfied no matter what woman I had sex with. I’d remember you…
Y: At the beginning, I thought this must be a mistake and did tons of various things with various women. I believed there had to be someone out there I would want to stay together with forever. That I simply hadn’t met them yet.
Y: Honestly, I did many things.
Y: But, you see, it was all in vain. Aah, I knew clearly that this was the end.
Y: No matter who I was with, no matter how long I dated them, it would be the same at the end.
Y: You see, I can’t be without you. You’re carrying my other half.
Y: You took it at that time.
Y: Heh, I’m not telling you to give it back. I’m telling you to take responsibility.
Y: Eh? What I said in the phone? It wasn’t a lie. I don’t want to do things over again, I want to start anew. What I want to start isn’t just a halfhearted relationship like lovers or something.
Y: Hey, take responsibility and be with me until death. It’s not a bad deal, right? My demand is… for you to stay within a range I can reach until death. That’s all. You can do whatever you want for the rest.
Y: If need be… hm… For example, even after we married, you can still be someone’s mistress like you are now. But weren’t you saying it was getting hard to find another person now?
Y: But, look, what if you were a married woman instead of being single?
Y: Not just you, but the other person will carry a risk. The sense of guilty pleasure and security… I think there are plenty of men who’ll be enticed by that.
Y: Grgh, hey, is there any man but me who’ll offer this condition? None, right?
Y: A man with looks, body, and a good life… there’s no one but me, you know? There’s no need to hesitate, right?
Y: Come on, say yes. Then our contract will be complete. Publicly, I’ll be yours. You’ll also be mine. It’s a matter of course, right?
Y: … Come on, say it. “Yes”. Say it. Say it!
Y: Good. Hehehe! Haha! Aah, thank god. I was wondering what to do if you refused me. Now then, I’ll let you get changed. Let’s see… ah, here, here. These are your clothes.
Y: You couldn’t see them, but they were just folded on the ground. I didn’t do anything to them.
Y: Next, where are the panties… Put them on before you get up. Heh, because if you do that, then my release will drip out, right? I went through all that trouble to cum inside you.
Y: Well then, let’s head out after you get changed.
Y: Hm? What are you looking stunned for? Didn’t I tell you? To wait for me in your cutest clothes. Let’s head out… in the cutest clothes you chose for me. Let’s enjoy the nightlife.
Y: I’ll take you to a place where the night view is stunning. Let’s have sex again while staring at that scenery. I’ll make it so that you remember having sex with me every time you see your most favorite clothes. It’ll be an unforgettable memory. Doesn’t that make you happy?
*** TRACK 6: Blindfold ***
Y: I’m home.
Y: … Hm? What, what? Did you say welcome home? Haha, I don’t understand what you’re saying at all though. Here we go. *puts down bag*
Y: Haha, what a nice view. A woman with her hands tied behind her back, blindfolded, and even biting a ball gag… is lying on my bed—ah, but I was the one who did that, haha.
Y: No, seriously, it suits you. The ball gag. It’s dripping with spit and you’re so indecent it’s super cute.
Y: Hm? Huh? The rotor slipped off. Did it run out of batteries? Meaning, what… it was on the entire time. It looks like the vibrator is still inside. *opens case, presses buttons*
Y: Ah, the batteries ran out on this one too. Haha, sorry for coming home late. Look, I came back late yesterday, right? So, because of that, I also left the house late. It was just formalities so I should have finished in the morning but… ah, well, I already quit my job so, starting today, I can be with you the entire time. Are you happy?
Y: Aah, you’re blindfolded so I can’t read your expression. Oh well, let’s do it like this today.
Y: You don’t have to worry, it’s not like I quit my job to raise you. I planned on quitting before, and so I acted on that. It happened to be today. That’s all.
Y: Oh, but in your case you might be disappointed.
Y: You’d be happier thinking I even quit my job for you, right?
Y: Too bad. That’s not the case this time.
Y: Come on, stop squirming around. Haa… hrm, at any rate, I’ll pull out the vibrator I guess. There’s no point on having it in you without batteries. If something is just going to be inside, then mine is enough, right?
Y: Mmgh… there we go.
Y: Mm, good, good. You’re completely loosened up. I was surprised yesterday at how tight you were. It’s like you haven’t been doing it at all. Haha, it made me think you were a virgin.
Y: Hehe, I crack myself up saying that. Since the first time we met, you weren’t a virgin.
Y: Ah, don’t tell me you thought about doing things over with me again because you don’t have a partner right now? Was it just good timing?
Y: Oh, I suppose you can’t answer even if I ask.
Y: Well, whatever. I’m going to lick your cheeks. Nngh…
Y: Haha, delicious. Later, swallow my spit too, okay? My semen too… with the mouth down here.
Y: Aah, alright, I’m putting it in now. “I’m home” and “Welcome back” sex, huh. Hahaha, what a super dull life. It’s the best.
Y: Haah… I love you. Mngh!
Y: Haha, you’re soaked. It feels nice. Nrgh, it feels so good, you know? I’ll thrust deep into you at the start, yeah? Ngh! Gngh… mgh!
Y: Haa… haha, you’re making some cute noises, aren’t you? Hey, should I remove the ball gag? Then you’ll be able to make normal sounds. Hahaha, kidding. We don’t need anything normal at this point. We’re already, hagh, people who aren’t familiar with normality. Because, up until now, it’s always been useless. Grgh… ngh!
Y: Hey, isn’t that right? Haah… you’re the one who noticed it first, didn’t you?
Y: That you weren’t good at being normal. That even if you longed for it, it would just hurt. Mrgh, that’s why, instead of being strange… haa… hah… let’s be special, alright? You and I… being a special “you and I”. Hagh… hah…!
Y: Haha, in the first place, a pervert who goes into heat for everything BDSM can never be normal, right? Aah, that’s right, you can’t see so you can hear my voice very well, right?
Y: … Heh…
Y: I love you. Hehe… I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Haha. I love you. Gngh… agh…! *thrusting*
Y: I… love you… mgh! I love you, I love you… nrgh… I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you… hahaha! I love you, I love you! Aah… nrgh!
Y: Did you cum? Haha, you came just now, didn’t you? Hahaha!
Y: Aah… you really are the best. I love you. So cute. I love you! Mngh! Haa… hagh…!
Y: I’m letting it out… I’m going to release, alright? Be sure to take it all in. All of it… inside you… my…! Hngh… grgh…! *he orgasms*
Y: Haa… haah…
Y: Haha, ah…
*** TRACK 7: Discipline ***
Y: Haha… one round. *kisses*
Y: We’re going to go another round like this. Ah, but I’ll remove this from your mouth.
Y: For some reason, I want to hear your voice. Heh.
Y: Call my name. Mine. Yuki or Yukinari. Either of them are good.
Y: Haha, ah, Koga-kun is good too, you know? Hehe.
Y: Here. It’s gone.
Y: Call it.
Y: … Mm, keep calling it like that. Nngh… mm… *thrusting*
Y: Haa… hah… mm? Haha, that’s right, I’m teasing you. I’m a bully, right? It’s something you thoroughly trained me in. I am one… a bully. Hehe, you’re not satisfied, right? At this time, you know what you should do, right?
Y: Say it properly. That’s what I removed your ball gag for.
Y: For you to say obscene things. That’s why I set your mouth free.
Y: Come on, you can say it, right? Just now, you clenched down inside. Because this isn’t enough, right?
Y: When you can’t see anything, you feel like you’re free. You said this, didn’t you?
Y: If the incoming information is limited, the precision is higher. I can tell too, haha. But, you see… *whispers* the person who’s in your pussy right now is me. Don’t forget that.
Y: Haha, why’d you squeeze down? Hey, did you get aroused from the word “pussy”?
Y: Getting turned on by hearing the word pussy… is that why your pussy squeezed my cock?
Y: Haha, you’re such a slut. A masochistic slut, aren’t you? Hahaha! Come on, if you don’t hurry up and say it and stay silent, then we’ll be like this forever. Even for me it’s impossible to be hard forever, so I might go limp, get bored of you, and go to sleep alone, you know?
Y: Hm? What are you going to do? You understand, right? What you should do.
Y: It’s simple. “I’m a perverted slut, so it’s not enough to just have you in me”. “My womb came down, wanting to drink semen, and I’m dying for you to pound me”. You just have to say what you’re thinking. Right?
Y: In the past, even when I didn’t ask for it, you said it yourself, didn’t you? “I’m a masochist, so I can’t be satisfied unless I’m abused”. “If it’s not someone who’ll abuse me, then I can’t trust them”. “That’s the sickness that I have”.
Y: Right? You’re still the same now, aren’t you? There’s no way you can change.
Y: Come on, what did I blindfold you for? For you to throw away your embarrassment, right?
Y: What did I free your mouth for? For you to say obscene things and to get more aroused and feel more pleasure, right?
Y: I did this for you.
Y: … Heh. See? It was simple. You said it well. I’ll give you a reward. *kisses*
Y: Your breasts—nah, your clitoris… I’m going to start moving slowly again while playing with your clit.
Y: Huh? What? If you thought it was going to be done that easily, then you’re greatly mistaken. Look, haha, it’s super hard. When I was putting the toys on I also shaved your hair, so there’s nothing to cover this at all.
Y: Ah, you came just now from your clit, didn’t you? Using my dick as a dildo.
Y: Jeez, you really can’t restrain yourself. Seriously, so cute. Don’t tell me, you got spoiled after we broke up? If you asked them to put it in, they’d put it in right away. If you asked them to make you cum, they’d make you cum? Like in the office kitchenette, the toilets at a station, or a park at night?
Y: Haha, no? Really? I don’t believe you though. Well, we have lots of time. In addition to making you aware that you’re mine, I’ll have to firmly discipline you again.
Y: Haha, in regard to “discipline” it was the opposite before.
Y: The things you taught me, I’m able to do them properly now so don’t be worried. Until you die, the only thing entering this place is me.
Y: Hm? That’s not what we said…? Heh, even after dating, you don’t have to quit being with other men…?
Y: Hahaha! There’s no way I’d be okay with that. What are you saying? Why does my belonging have to be fucked by other men? Isn’t that weird? You don’t understand anything.
Y: Sure, I’ll make you properly remember it. What you did to me.
Y: Nrgh, look, slowly… I’ll move ever so slowly…
Y: Haa, remember it. What happened to me… and then, ngh, you’ll commit it to memory again. *kisses*
Y: Haha, mm? What? You’re moving your hips so modestly. You should just move however you want in a way that makes you feel good like you did before. Haha, if you do that, I might bully you again? What’s that? You’re obedient… like a different person. Cute.
Y: You’re cute, so I guess I’ll make you cum again. Here, ngh… I’ll grind against this spot deep in you. So, cum down here. I’ll also stop playing with your clit and press down on your stomach with my palm. See? It’s easy to feel it now, right? That Yuki is inside you.
Y: Come on, you can tell, can’t you? Aah… mgh, sure, move your hips more. Cry out too.
Y: Haha, yeah, call my name. You can also say you love me. Say you love me. Haha, you won’t say it, huh. Nngh… mm…
Y: Mrgh, you’re about to cum? Sure, don’t hold back. Hah, I’m telling the truth. I’ll let you cum. Hrgh… gngh…
Y: Haa… haah… *kisses; heroine orgasms*
Y: Haha, was that good? You can’t breathe? Hah… haa… at that time, you said you wanted to do that, didn’t you? Erotic asphyxiation. We didn’t do it in the end though.
Y: Haah… ah, it was so good you can’t even talk. There, there. I’ll do it again next time. *kisses*
Y: Now, let’s continue. *thrusting*
Y: Mmgh… huh? What? It hurts because you just came? Heh, that would be the case. I’m doing it for that purpose. Haa… hagh… but, look, muscles become stronger after they recover from being damaged. The same goes for studies, there has to be some burden.
Y: Hahaha! Right now, I’m going to make you cum in succession, so be sure to immerse yourself in that feeling and moan cutely, okay? Come on, concentrate. It’s here, right? Also, ngh… here too.
Y: Haha, you’re so easy to understand. I just shook you lightly and you’re like this immediately. Even though you’re saying it hurts and you don’t want this, you can’t hold your voice in. Cute. You’re going to cum already, right? Mm, sure, cum.
Y: Here, I’ll even hold your hand. Rather than touching your stomach, this way feels more like lovers, right? Haa… hah… not slamming into you, but just pinpointing your sensitive spots… just lightly rocking you. Haha, look, it’s sweet and innocent sex between lovey-dovey lovers.
Y: Hahaha! You came again. Good girl.
Y: Then, this time… how about I bully your ears? Before that… let’s kiss once. *kisses*
Y: Haha, somehow, this feels like normal sex, doesn’t it? If there wasn’t a blindfold or restraints. Ah, also if you weren’t cumming in succession, I suppose.
Y: Now, hold on just a little longer.
Y: Hm? Nope. Not allowed. You’re still pretty composed, aren’t you? I also haven’t had enough. You have to stay with me until I’m properly satisfied. You yourself completely used me, didn’t you?
Y: Besides, look, this is discipline… right?
Y: Now then, it’s heaven for me when I cum five times in succession, but women can keep on going so, heh, let’s aim for six first.
Y: It’s still two just now so—haha, no, it’s not impossible. Come on, concentrate on the thing inside you and… *whispers* my voice.
Y: Haha, that was a better reaction than I imagined. It really is effective to cut off information. I’ll let you hear what you can’t see. Mmgh… ngh…! *thrusting*
Y: Haah… so good. Hey, what about you? Does it feel good or not? Am I the only one feeling good? Nrgh, that’d be too lonely. You need to be sure to feel me too. Feel pleasure from me. Hagh… grgh…! *kisses; thrusting*
Y: Haha, you’re about to cum, aren’t you? You got so tight down here. Hey, cum. Haa… hah… let me see when you cum. I’ll cum too. Let’s go together… nrgh!
Y: Haa… hah… I love you. I love you. Mmgh, I love you! Hagh… hah!
Y: I’m cumming… I’m going to let it out… I’m letting it out… grgh! *he orgasms*
Y: Hahaha! Aah, that felt good. That was the third time now, right? Back-to-back. Mmgh… hah… *thrusting* Hey now, don’t struggle. I won’t be able to, gngh, hit your good spot.
Y: Mm, it’s not impossible. It’ll be okay. Look, your pussy is clenching hard around my cock again, right? Hngh… hah…!
Y: Aah? Hahaha! You squirted! Ah, you were struggling because you didn’t want that. Haha, cute! You really can cum still. See? It’s like I said.
Y: Come on, grgh! *thrusting* Keep going and cumming. Mrgh… ngh!
Y: Aah, I knew this would be good. Sex, that is. If it’s not like this… hngh… mm! Gngh!
Y: Haha, alright, that was the fourth. Haa… hah… there’s just two left. Work hard, haha.
Y: Mrgh… ngh…! Haha, you’re squeezing so hard. Since earlier, you’ve been clamped down around me. *stops*
Y: Huh? Hey, your switch didn’t get flipped, did it? *kisses*
Y: Mm, haha, look, you came just from a kiss. Hm? Ah… I’ll take off your blindfold.
Y: Aah, it’s soaked from your tears and sweat. Hm?
Y: Hahaha! Those are some good eyes. Do you finally get it now? That you only have me.
Y: Mm, that’s right. I only have you.
Y: You know, I cancelled my phone contract today and the food we have is what’s here.
Y: Mhm, but I want to be with you, so I won’t go outside. That’s fine, right?
Y: Mm, good girl. I’ll give you a kiss, so try cumming again. *kisses*
Y: Haha… again. *kisses*
Y: … Again. Hehe. Hey, say you love me.
Y: Mm, good girl. You’re a good girl, aren’t you?
*** TRACK 8: Stoned sex ***
Y: Jeez, you’re completely worn out, aren’t you?
Y: It’s because you said you wanted to rest that I’ve made something for you to drink. Come on, hold the glass properly. Yes, don’t spill it.
Y: Heh. Delicious? Ice wine… it’s easy to drink because it’s sweet, right?
Y: Haha, you can’t tell? Oh well.
Y: Mm, let’s do this once then. Here. Yes, then look in my direction.
Y: Mhm, stay still. *kisses*
Y: Well? When the temperature rises, the flavor should be easier to tell…
Y: You still can’t tell? Hm, or do you want to kiss more than that? Hahaha! You’re really hopeless. I was going to treat this as an anniversary. The one week anniversary of us dating, in addition to the one week anniversary of my resignation from work?
Y: Haha, but alright I understand. I was thinking of getting you to enjoy my interests, but let’s forget the alcohol. We celebrated with a toast more or less.
Y: Ah, but what did you do when you were dating other men? You were invited out to drink, right?
Y: Aah, did you tell them you’d rather have sex than drink like you did just now? Haha, well, there’s no one who would choose to refuse that, right?
Y: Honestly, you…
Y: Heh. Nothing. Let’s kiss. *kisses*
Y: Haha, your body is hot for some reason or another, right? Ah, right, you have low alcohol tolerance. I see, I see.
Y: You like losing yourself when you’re conscious of what’s happening, right? Something like being fucked when you’re unconscious because of alcohol is something you’d hate, isn’t it?
Y: In that case, what do you want to do? Stop for today? Until you’re sober, why don’t we watch a movie while drinking water?
Y: Are you sure? Hm? You want to do it like this.
Y: Is it… because it’s me? Are you saying I’m special?
Y: Uh, haha, why aren’t you denying that? Jeez, I’m going to get embarrassed when I’m the one who asked. Ugh, jeez, are you cute or are you drunk? I have no choice but to be gentle this time.
Y: Alright, spread your legs. I’m saying I’ll eat you out. After I make you cum lots with my mouth, I’ll enter you once more.
Y: Hm? My semen is there…? Heh, that doesn’t matter. Come on, spread your legs.
Y: Mhm, good girl. Hey, you’re wet again. Haha, you really are a good girl. Mmgh… *gives oral*
Y: Hahaha! Wow, your body is hot but this place is even hotter. The smell is also mixing with the alcohol… it’s so erotic. Somehow, even I’m getting dizzy.
Y: Ah, that reminds me, there’s still alcohol on my tongue, isn’t there? If you absorb it through your membrane here, that’d be bad. I wonder if you’ll be okay?
Y: Haha! You don’t want that? But you love it when I go against your wishes, right? Nrgh… mm…
Y: Haha, nice… mrgh…
Y: I’ll fuck you lots with my tongue.
Y: Hahaha! Hey, when you cum, I’d like it if you didn’t close your legs so hard. I won’t be able to breathe… if you sandwich my head between your thighs.
Y: Aah… you don’t have any muscle at all. I didn’t ask but… your eating habits haven’t changed, have they? You look thin but your legs are really unhealthy.
Y: Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. Hey, don’t wind your legs around me. I got it, I got it. I’ll end the break.
Y: Seriously, I was going to let you rest but my consideration was completely disregarded. Was my disciplining too good?
Y: But I already decided on being gentle. I won’t put it in yet. If you want me to put it in, then try doing something that makes me can’t restrain myself. Something that will turn a kind gentleman into a wolf.
Y: You’re good at that, aren’t you? Seducing men.
Y: Huh? You’re just going to spread your legs? Yeah, yeah, thank you for making it easier to eat you out. Mngh… *gives oral*
Y: Haha, oh? You’re going to spread yourself open with your fingers? Nrgh…
Y: Cute, your clit is twitching. Are you doing that yourself? Haha, that’s naughty. Really. Mn… ngh…
Y: *muffled* Haha, how does it feel being pressed down by my tongue? Mm? Hot… and it tingles?
Y: *muffled* Haha, hey, it’s burning hot inside here. Hehe, what a lewd sound. You want something inside, don’t you? Haha! It’s opening and closing. Aah, cute. Mngh…!
Y: Haa… hngh…!
Y: Hahaha! You came again. You’re clenching really hard inside. Fingers aren’t enough, right? My semen is basically being washed out too.
Y: So? Done already? I can still hold on though… or are you satisfed from cumming by your clit? That’s not it, right? Come on, try imagining it. You want me to put it in, but you cum countless times by your clit. Even if you spread open your pussy as much as you can with your fingers, the only things that enter are my fingers.
Y: But your clit will get fondled so much. My hot tongue won’t leave at all. Hahaha! “I want your cock now” is written on your face. It’s saying “I want my pussy to be crammed deeply with your cock”.
Y: You love it when men do whatever they want with you, don’t you? Having your own will ignored and being dominated. Fucked until you can’t think of anything. Fucked… and fucked…
Y: Hey, this? Do you want this?
Y: I thought so. Right here, look, instead of my fingers… I’ll slide this between your folds. Haha, you’re drenched. It’s wrapping all around me. There’s noises when I rub against you. It’s squelching. We can’t tell whose drool it is, right?
Y: Come on, say you want this. Go ahead.
Y: More. Even more. Do it with your whole body. Butter up to me properly. You can’t be satisfied with just my tip rubbing against your clit, right?
Y: Come on, say you want this… that you want my cock. More. Even more. I’m telling you to beg. Beg for my favor. You’re a bitch in heat who wants to be dominated and fucked by a male, right? You want your head to be filled with sex, don’t you?
Y: You still look like you’re thinking unnecessary things.
Y: Huh? I said I would be gentle? Heh, I am, aren’t I? I’m only giving you things that you want, right?
Y: Come on. I’m going to press myself against your entrance.
Y: Nope. I’m only going to touch it. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? If I moved my hips just a little, then it’ll enter. You want my cock to be inside you, don’t you? Try saying it then. That you want my cock. Say it.
Y: … Hey now, no need to touch me. If you’re going to jerk me off, then hurry up and let me use this hole.
Y: Come on, say it. Say it.
Y: Mm, “I”…? It’s not just “want”, right? What do you want? Say it properly.
Y: … Hehe, you said it. There, there. Good girl. I’ll pet your head. There, there.
Y: Hey, can you say it one more time? Then I’ll really put it in this time. Haha, sorry, but you see I want to put it in while you’re in the middle of saying it.
Y: Wouldn’t that be nice? It being put in while you’re in the middle of begging “Please put it in”. As for the timing… well, you’ll know when it’s put in, right?
Y: Come on, say it one more time. What? Are you scared now?
Y: That’s weird. You’re saying put it in because you want it put in, right?
Y: The purpose isn’t saying that you want it put in, right? The purpose is getting it inside you, isn’t it?
Y: Haha! You were getting pleasure by yourself in this situation of being forced to say it, weren’t you? Too bad. I knew it, you know? I know everything about you. I haven’t forgotten a single thing. I remember everything. I knew it.
Y: Hm? Why are you silent? Hey, say something. Come on.
Y: Hahaha! You’re crying. Sure, I’ll put it in even if you don’t say anything. But, in exchange, I’m going to say “I’m putting it in” and, right at that moment, you have to look into my eyes until all of it goes in. Alright?
Y: Great, good girl. Then… I’m putting it in. Look at my eyes.
Y: … Yeah. Mmgh…
Y: It’s in. Am I reaching you deep inside? Can you tell? I love you. *thrusting*
Y: Haha, cute. What a sloppy expression. Seriously, you’re so damn cute. Haa… hagh… you’re the cutest, ngh, in the world.
Y: Haha! It’s alright, you don’t have to hold back your voice. Saying you feel good makes me happy. Mrgh… ngh…!
Y: Even if you hold back, it’s cute though. Gngh… hagh…
Y: You see, when you’re holding back, it makes me want to make you cry out. Somehow, that feels like a waste though. Get more… firmly obsessed with this. Alright? Mrgh… nrgh…!
Y: Haa… hah…! Hm? What? You’re going to cum? Haha, go ahead, cum. Even if you cum, I won’t stop moving. Grgh, come on… look, I’ll thrust deep into you.
Y: Mm? You love it, don’t you? This. Haha. Hey, you love it, don’t you? I know. I know… I know everything. Aah, look, you’re tightening inside. You’re clenching around me. You’re squeezing your thighs too. Mgh, haha, you look like you’re in pleasure with your tongue sticking out. What a lewd face.
Y: Haha, you’re going to cum, aren’t you? Come on, you can cum, can’t you? Hm? You love this place, don’t you? Go ahead, cum.
Y: The place that you love… I’ll slam against it until you cum. Nrgh… gngh…!
Y: Haha, you’re going to cum, aren’t you? Cum… cum… cum… cum… come on, cum! Gngh! Mgh!
Y: Haa… haha! So cute! Your face when you cum is so fucking cute.
Y: Mmgh… hah… what? Stop? There’s no way I can stop, right? I haven’t released yet, you know?
Y: I said it, didn’t I? That I wouldn’t stop. Hngh…
Y: You just came, so you’re sensitive inside, aren’t you? You can feel me precisely, can’t you?
Y: Yeah, that’s why… I’ll pull out to the very edge of your entrance… and then like THIS… ngh, thrust to the very back. Hahaha! Aah… ah… feels good. Your body is the best. I’m going to keep using it. This… mgh… best body.
Y: Before I put myself in, I gave you so much preparation so, heh, I have to enjoy all the time I put in. Ah-ah, are you feeling good again? Are you going to cum again? Do you feel like cumming?
Y: Haha! Slut. Sure, it’s cute. Lose yourself more! In having sex with me. And then say that I’m the best… that having sex with me is the best.
Y: Understand this clearly, ngh… hagh…!
Y: Shit, I’m about to cum too. I’ll let it all out in your deepest spot. Be sure to accept it. Mgh… hagh… I’ll get angry if you spill it. Ggh… mgh!
Y: I’m cumming… I’m releasing… hah… I’m letting it out… I’m letting it out… ngh! *he orgasms*
Y: Haah… haa…
Y: Oh, haha! Aah, she lost consciousness. Hah… what the hell. You have no endurance. Let’s see, how many times did I make you cum today? One… two… three…
Y: Aah, right, I see. Hehe. At that time, did you feel like this?
Y: *inhales, exhales; kisses* Good night. Keep me company to the very end tomorrow.
*** TRACK 9: Hypoxyphilia ***
Y: *smoking* Cold… I wonder if it can be warded off…
Y: Urgh… I really want to die.
Y: Haa… one week, huh.
Y: Hm? Good morning, you’re up? *puts out smoke*
Y: Let’s continue from yesterday then. Because you fell asleep in the middle yesterday. After that, I had to jerk myself off, you know? Aah, I’d like some thanks. On top of dealing with the aftermath carefully so that you wouldn’t wake up, I had to quietly deal with myself.
Y: No, seriously, I really want to be thanked.
Y: Pffhaha! What, you’re really going to say thank you? Ah, well, whatever. It’s you. Then, as proof of your thanks, will you let me do what I want today?
Y: Huh? Up until now, everything was completely matching your preference, wasn’t it?
Y: No, no, it was perfectly your kinks. Why are you saying things that sound like you went along with me?
Y: My kink… I don’t have to say it for you to know, right?
Y: It’s hard for both of us having these fetishes, huh. Not to mention, there’s no way to confirm it other than through sex. If we don’t do these things, we can’t get satisfied, can we?
Y: Haha, hilarious. Hahaha.
Y: Let’s kiss. *kisses*
Y: Hehe, aren’t you cute? Are you being obedient? Mm…
Y: Haha, you’re seriously cute. It feels like you’re my girlfriend. That you’re my woman.
Y: Well then, I’m going to do it, okay?
Y: I’m putting it in. Nngh…
Y: It went in smoothly. Mm? What?
Y: *whispers* Haha, not yet. Not yet. Not yet, you know. Don’t rush me like that. I’m nervous too.
Y: Nope, I’m only going to leave my hand on top of your neck.
Y: Here, my right hand. Then, my left hand over here.
Y: It feels the same as back then, doesn’t it?
Y: Your neck… Mm, it’s easier to tell with eyes closed. Let’s do that together.
Y: I’m not keeping you in suspense. Hehe. Hey, how about the feeling of my hands? What does it feel like? It’s your first time since you became an adult, right?
Y: Look, I’ll slowly stroke it. Be sure to remember it. Can you remember it? Just this moment. Because, after this, you won’t be able to do anything.
Y: It’ll be alright. Don’t worry. I’ll do it properly. Because back then… I didn’t do it. I’ve always regretted that. You wanted it to be done so badly… but I couldn’t give it to you even once.
Y: I didn’t have the courage—no, it’s not courage, it’s resolve. I didn’t have the resolve. The resolve to make everything about you mine. I didn’t have that back then.
Y: Don’t worry, I have it now. Because I truly want to do this. I’m glad that it turned out like this.
Y: Heh, so I even think I’m glad. But, it’s my first time, so I’m nervous.
Y: Mm, I’m just nervous. I’m not against this.
Y: Can I kiss you… one last time? Mm, like this, with my hands on your neck.
Y: Haha, I won’t do it while we’re kissing. I won’t take you by surprise like that. I’ll do it while looking at your face properly, with our eyes meeting.
Y: I’ll watch you. I’ve loved you forever. *kisses*
Y: Haha, I knew I loved you. Only you.
Y: I’m doing.
Y: How is it? Painful? Gngh… but you can still breathe, right? Haha, it’s not this, right? Don’t worry, I know. Haa… hagh… *strangles*
Y: Haha, you can’t breathe? Mm, good. Try speaking like that. Yuki… Yukinari… call my name.
Y: Haha, what an ugly voice. Cute. Super cute. I love you. Haah… haa… I’ll make it tighter.
Y: Mrgh, your pussy is so fucking tight. Does it feel good? It feels good, right? Mm, I can tell. I can tell. You don’t have to force yourself to talk. It’s alright.
Y: Ah, but… I want to kiss you. Hngh… I love you. I love you. I fucking love you. I love only you. I adore you. Nngh…!
Y: Let’s rest… for a moment. I’ll loosen it a little. Haa… haah…
Y: Ah, you can’t suddenly breathe like that. If you don’t do it slowly, you’ll choke. Aah, jeez, look, I’ll pat your shoulders. Follow this and breathe in. Don’t worry, don’t worry. Slowly. Breath in. Breathe out. Yeah.
Y: Hm? Mm, what’s with that face? You’re that happy?
Y: I see. That also felt good for me. Do you want to continue?
Y: Got it. Then, I’ll strangle you even harder next time. Alright?
Y: Heh, I don’t even need to ask if you have that look.
Y: Here, my hands are on you. Haha, you clenched again. You’re anticipating it, aren’t you?
Y: Yeah, yeah, I’m starting. Gngh! *strangles*
Y: More… Haha, there’s no composure. Go ahead, stroke my hand like that. I’ll be sure to make you hurt. Haah… hah…!
Y: How is it? This time? This time… will you die?
Y: Ggh! *raining sounds* Haa… hagh… haah…
Y: Aah… finally… did I grant your wish?
*** TRACK 10: Sound of Rain ***
Y: Ah… rain? I didn’t notice. When did it start coming down, I wonder?
Y: Hey, you know, it’s really only you for me. Did I just love you? Is it “love” I have for you? Is that the word for you?
Y: Do you remember? The class on theology in high school. We learned about androgynos, didn’t we? I guess you don’t remember. Or more like, did you attend classes in the first year?
Y: In the past, men and women were hermaphrodites. That hermaphroditism was not in having male and female sexual organs but having four arms and legs, two faces, and male and female sexual organs. Then, one day, God divided the hermaphrodite and the world only had men, women, hermaphroditic men, and hermaphroditic women. That’s why the split halves longed for their other half and seek each other even now. That story.
Y: You are my other half of androgynos. I need to always have you within reach.
Y: When we’re separated, I’m anxious. When I can’t touch you, I’m anxious. The moment we hold hands, the moment we hug, the moment we kiss, the moment we have sex… those are the only times I’m relieved.
Y: The instant we’re separated, I’m extremely anxious.
Y: That’s why, after I kiss you, I want to do it again right away. Because I’m relieved when we kiss. Then we separate, but after we separate I want to do it again. Before long, it doesn’t become enough. Deeper… deeper… like what you did to me… More.
Y: It was terrifying. There was a happiness that could kill and a pain that could kill. They alternated. I noticed it immediately, but I couldn’t leave you. You were my first girlfriend, so I thought I had to cherish you.
Y: It was an excuse. In truth, I just didn’t want to let you go when you made me forget the pain.
Y: But university exams started and a different fear came. The fear of whether we’d be like this for the rest of our lives.
Y: So… heh, the fear was stronger and I broke up with you. But, after we broke up, I was always in pain.
Y: Because no one could give it to me. Only you… only you…
Y: That’s right, when I said I’d kill you, you were seriously excited. You looked forward to it, didn’t you? “Ah, I’m going to be killed by Yuki right now” was what you thought, right?
Y: That was happiness. I felt so happy I thought I’d die. You made me into that sort of person, didn’t you?
Y: You see, it was because you were my first. I thought all real women were like that. I thought that personalities like ladylike, airhead, and tsundere were only in anime, manga, or games. In reality, I got depressed when I realized you were just too special.
Y: Heh, but even now you’re the standard. Normal women can’t satisfy me. “I’m a pervert, please do whatever you want with me”, even when I dated self-proclaimed masochistic girls I wasn’t satisfied at all.
Y: No one put their life on the line for me. No one bared themselves entirely like you and entrusted everything to me. None of them really thought they would die without me. No one seriously sought for me and I could see that clearly, so I somehow felt chilled.
Y: “Can I not love anyone?”. I was also seriously troubled over lame things like that. “That can’t be true at all. It can’t be just you”. I really dated a lot of different women.
Y: I did many various things with many various women. Everything I could think of.
Y: But, in the end, it really was useless. It just made me realize that you were the only one for me. “I didn’t ask you to save me” was what you said, right? I was told the same thing by other girls too.
Y: I thought you were acting strong. “You’re this weak, so I have to protect you”. But that’s not true, right?
Y: You couldn’t stop cutting your wrists, you couldn’t stop doing drugs, you couldn’t stop selling your body. You couldn’t do nothing. Because you get scared when you’re alone. Because you’re anxious. Because it hurts. You want to not be able to think of anything.
Y: But you can’t tell your friends that. That’s why you relied on men. Like how you made me into a sex buddy.
Y: If you said you were lonely and got into bed, then they would be gentle, wouldn’t they? But then you would feel guilty.
Y: When you’re with me, your anxiety, your pain, and your fear all disappear. I remember you telling me that. Because it made me so happy.
Y: I thought I had to save you, haha. “Because I’m this girl’s boyfriend, I’ll save her, and I have to make her happy”.
Y: “I didn’t ask you to save me. I didn’t ask you to make me happy”. You didn’t think about wanting anything from someone. Receiving something from someone, even if it’s nice at the time, it’ll just be painful later. It’ll steadily become painful.
Y: “I want to be at peace. I want to be happy. At the very least, I want to live normally. That’s all”. You really didn’t think about being saved by someone.
Y: Being saved, being happy, it would be by yourself.
Y: The same as me. Of course, right? Because you’re my other half. Because we were one to begin with.
Y: … That’s why, this time, I’ll do it properly.
Y: Do things over again with me. I can certainly grant your wish at this time now.
Y: I’ll show you that I love everything. Everything.
Y: Really anything… I can give you whatever you wish. Even ending things together, I’m happy about that now. I think about how that’s happiness.
Y: I’m sorry for being gentle. I’m sorry for being spoiled with you. Once more. This time, be sure to ask, okay?
Y: What I have, even my life, I’ll give it all to you. But if you don’t want it, then you can throw it away. That’s why… until the very end… please stay with me.